We all know people who are so popular, those that are always surrounded by others and we talk about them all the time. However, my purpose is not to make you popular, it’s better than that: I want to teach you how to have more of an impact on people and build honest and trustworthy relationships. Follow these steps and you’ll become a person that we will always remember.
1. How to Meet New People?
I can bet that there are people who you’ve met every day or a few times a week and you’ve never actually spoken to them? From your classmates to that person at your bus stop. The secret to starting a conversation with them is to first make eye contact a few times to make them notice “Hey I’ve seen you so many times why haven’t we spoken to each other yet?” (Don’t do this for too long as it can be interpreted as flirting.) Next, smile and mouth with your lips “hello?” or “Hi” without any sound. It will be easier for you or for them to engage in a conversation later. Finally, talk to them! It appears that the weather is the most common subject to break the silence. Try it with the grandmas at your bus stop. A response is guaranteed!
I have heard people say that they‘ve been hurt by someone who had walked past them and didn’t greet them. I’m 90% sure that this so-called “impolite” person was just lazy, or thought that a smile would count as a hello. She had hurt them without realizing and she’ll probably never understand why she had suddenly lost friends. Make the effort to say hello. I would suggest, even to people you meet briefly and even to the people in your class that you never hang out with. A “hello” is a way to express that you’re humble and that you recognize people. You make them feel valuable. You don’t have to greet them each day and fake that you’re absolutely happy to see them, but a little wave from the distance and a whispered “hello”, will absolutely make a difference.
3. Be Curious
Sometimes you feel as if you have no one to talk to. Nobody is good enough, they don’t have the same interests as yourself or you feel like they’re too far from what you’ve become. There are two options:
1) You live in a wooden shed in the middle of the desert (How did you get the wifi?)
2) You’re judging people too quickly.
You’re probably among those who probably spend the night with the remote looking for something to watch between thousands of choices and finally claim, “There is nothing to watch”. You don’t have an idea of how to fully interact with an individual who has different interests as yourself. I’m not here to give you a lecture about “What’s the point of humans?” though. My advice is: Make an effort to learn more about the people around you. Use phrases like “I’ve heard that…”, “Are you still into..”, “I love the way you…” “How do you…”
4. Speak Good About Them Behind Their Backs
The more you know about the person, the easier it is to backbite. How many arguments have been created accidentally because someone said that someone else had been mocking them behind their back? Way too many! The only way to reverse the process is to speak good of people behind their back. Who knows,one day someone might say that you’ve been complimenting them a lot. Don’t be a liar though! Be curious and find something you like in these people OR don’t say anything at all. It can be as simple as “I love your friend’s shoes”. Spread Peace not Hate. Moreover, if you hear someone backbiting a lot, chances are they’ve been talking about you too.
5. Be Thoughtful
If someone has confided in you about an operation or any other event happening in their life, remember the date and schedule it on your phone. On ‘D day’ send them a quick text showing that you are there for support. Not only that, but they will be very touched and remember you as a kind-hearted person.
6. Learn the Art of Complimenting
Complimenting anyone on something like their outfit is much more meaningful than complimenting them on any physical feature. They don’t choose to have ‘gray-and-slightly-hazel-with-a-bit-of-orangey-gold’ eyes but they definitely spent a few minutes thinking about what to wear.
Also, do not compliment them on things that everyone else compliments them on as well, such as, “Wow you’re an amazing cook”. They probably hear the same compliments all the time, end up taking it for granted and it’s not meaningful to them anymore. However, if you compliment them for their hard work instead, you’ll hit the mark. Effort is always more valuable than results.
7. Be Active on Social Media
I don’t know what type of friends you have on social media but mine are pretty silent. You can easily make someone’s day by commenting on their post or by answering their stories. Even if it’s someone whom you don’t know well or you don’t know at all. On top of that, you may find out many facts about people around you: If they like painting, writing, sports etc… Remember one or two activities and mention it to them when you see them in person.“You look so healthy! You deserve it, you’ve been working hard at the gym”, “I saw that you’ve been to Chicago, how was it?”
8. Give gifts
Give gifts often and at any time. Sometimes we tend to wait for a special event such as Eid or birthdays to give presents. However, unexpected gift are the best! It’s a way to express to people that you’ve been thinking about them and that you care.
The Prophet Sal Allahu Alayhi Wa Sallam said, “exchange gifts, as that will lead to increasing your love to one another” – Bukhari
9. “I love you”
Tell someone that you love them when you do. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it. Love is often seen as a special feeling, felt once in your lifetime. It’s true if you consider that there are many types of love, from physical attraction to the love of a mother for her child. You don’t love your child the way you love your neighbor. That would be unhealthy. Saying ‘I love you’ is not enough though. Love is an action. When you tell someone that you love them, they shouldn’t be that surprised as you should have been demonstrating it through your actions. Otherwise, they’re faking it or you’ve been too subtle.
10. For the best among you…
This is not for everyone. If you fear Allah enough, you’ll get to this stage. This means that the life of this world is fun and can draw you in at any time. Often we get caught up in materialistic situations and forget about those around us. An example of this could be that we might be at a party enjoying ourselves but our friends aren’t there with us. This shows that you’ll always put others, especially those that you love, first. It means that the people around you are more valuable than any pleasure you can get from this life. You’re here for them first. This can change the world.