It’s that beautiful time of the month again. Doing extra acts of worship for the last ten nights? Nah. Trying to finish Quran memorization? You wish. Going to taraweeh with your friends and family? Ha. This, my friends, is the terrible time of the month again.
For many women around the world, menstruation just has to knock on your door in these very blessed ten nights of Ramadan. Some dread it, some look forward to it, but you can’t deny that when it’s Ramadan, it is the hardest to hide your period from the men around you. I don’t know about you but I have no shame in answering men when they ask why I’m not fasting.
Men: Why aren’t you fasting?
Most women: Uhh…I…I’m sick.
Me: So every month, women experience the end of a menstrual cycle, indicating…
Maybe it’s because I grew up in Canada and it’s a lot less taboo than Muslim countries, but all us women get it and it’s nothing to hide from. In fact, it is a huge blessing to know that you have the ability to allow a human to grow in your womb. But nonetheless, it is a little awkward to eat around fasting relatives and friends and the questions can get super uncomfortable after a while. So get comfortable and grab your ninja costume because today we’re sharing 7 methods you can use to not get caught eating during menstruation.
1). The Wise Man Pocket Trick
For this, all you need to do is stick your snack into a ziplog bag. Then, pretend to pull something out of your pocket (your snack) and finish off with a wise man pose (aka sneaking the snack into your mouth). 🤔 It may look suspicious but at least you’re not hungry.
2). Pencil Drop Trick
If you’re at school, pretend to drop your pencil under your desk and when you go to pick it up, just slip in a full course meal. Just kidding, this is probably most ideal for water.
3). Store Food in Unexpected Places
That way, if someone walks into your room, they wouldn’t see the junk food mess everywhere. Get yourself out of a sticky situation by storing food in your sleeves, in empty shampoo bottles, in pillow cases and printer paper holders. Okay, maybe not that extreme but you get the idea.
4). Pretend to Prepare Food for Iftar
If you’re asked about making food in the kitchen, all you need to do is pretend like it’s for iftar. Even if it’s 6 am in the morning, no one will question your amazing time management abilities. 😉
5). Grab Your Hoodie and Go To a Drive Thru
If you wear a hijab and even the employees will discover that you should be fasting, grab your hoodie and go in disguise. After you pick up your food, eat in your car and cry because of all the responsibilities you have in life. Or maybe you’re in the optimistic phase of your period. Whatever works for you.
6). Drink Out Of an Opaque Water Bottle
If you need to drink water, make sure it’s out of an opaque one so that people don’t notice the water levels decreasing. And if you get asked, give them an Augustus Waters line like ““It’s a metaphor, see; you put the haram thing right between your lips but you don’t give it the power to do haram.”
7). Pretend Nap
Grab your blanket and stuff all your food there. Have your Turkish dramas ready and if anybody walks in, hide it all in 0.2 seconds and pretend to sleep. You’ll look like Sleeping Beauty when in reality, a whole jungle of food lies beneath the blankets.
And if you get caught, here is a list of fake excuses you can use:
1). I’m sick.
2). I threw up.
3). I have a dentist appointment.
4). I felt dizzy.
5). I got a papercut. (okay maybe that’s an exaggeration)
6). So basically Zabiha Halal called and told me I’m getting a free trip to the Caribbean. I packed my suitcase to prepare for this amazing trip away from all my problems and worries. No kids, no cooking, no working, no studying – ah, it was going to be great. I had breakfast on the way because eating during travel is excused but then turns out it was a scam. So here I am. That rhymed. Yeah…..okay….CYA *runs to room and devours all the ferreros*
And if you don’t want these white lies in Ramadan….
7). …Ask mama.
Before we close off, here are a few Ramadan menstruation memes we can all relate to.
I hope you all have a blessed rest of your Ramadan and a successful ninja attempt at hiding your cycle.
What excuse do you give when you get caught?
Do you have different ideas on how to sneak food in Ramadan?
Thank you for reading!
Written by Bayance,
Canadian-Palestinian student currently living in Canada who loves to blog, write, read and basically be a grandma in her free time. She’s passionate about empowerment and justice and hopes to pursue a degree in political science in the future, and marry a Turkish actor of course (did I mention I was a Turkish drama addict?)